Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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