if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
