I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize