Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
