just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
