You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
