I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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