It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
