i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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