this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
