Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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