dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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