This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
