see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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