I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
