He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
