dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
