you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
