Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
