i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
