My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
