i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
