Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize