I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
