nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize