She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
