I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im holly from the hills drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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