I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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