am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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