I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
