my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
