i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
