I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
