using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
