I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
