yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Im part way to drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
