why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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