i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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