You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
