We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
