thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
