the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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