Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
