I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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