I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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