that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
