I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
