remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
