My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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