We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
