The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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