i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
