fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
