i already hear my dad disowning me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
