then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
