how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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