So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
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