I just saw a hot homeless man
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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