if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
