So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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