Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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