Christians are straight up FREAKS
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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