fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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