i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
