My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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