Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
