how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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