false alarm. still invincible.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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