alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Even my vagina gasped.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
dude. I can hear the air.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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