i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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